


The King and Queen of Mean

by cinder1013



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complete, Eating Disorders, M/M, Not Blaine Friendly, body issues, drunken sex attempted, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:20:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1596359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinder1013/pseuds/cinder1013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Sebastian are best friends. They're mean and sarcastic and everything people avoid - except that they're also popular and talented. Blaine Anderson is a new transfer to Dalton. Will he get sucked into their soap opera?</p><p>Note: AU from ever. Kurt went to Dalton from early on and so did Sebastian (when they became best friends - but in the Mean Girls sense.) Blaine is a new transfer just as the Sadie Hawkins experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Now in Russian! http://ficbook.net/readfic/3013865  
> Thank you to Nastia_12

“You call me that again and I will eviscerate you with this spoon. Slowly,” Kurt promised, stabbing his pudding spoon in his best friend’s face. 

“Well, they call me the king of mean. If I’m the king, then you must be...” Sebastian smirked back. 

“The other king, obviously.”

“There can’t be two kings. You’ve got a king and then a queen.”

“How forward thinking of you.”

“And everyone knows that you’re the pretty one.” 

Kurt smirked at him. “I am, aren’t I? It’s alright, Sebby. You might never be as pretty as I am, but you can be queen if you want to. I’ll let you.” He patted Seb’s hand with a there-there motion. Yanking his hand back, Sebastian slumped down in his seat and stuffed them in his pockets, muttering to himself. Kurt laughed at him and went back to organizing his schedule. Jeff scribbled down another win for Kurt in his notebook. 

“Do you have - well, hello.” 

Grabbing Kurt’s ever present compact mirror, Seb pretended to check his hair (which was perfect, of course) as he looked at the doorway behind him. “I concur. That is one sweet piece of boy ass.” 

“I am so embarrassed for your mother. How does she cope with your fine vocabulary?” 

“That boy’s ass is even fine in the uniform.”

“Yes, I realize that.” 

Sebastian smirked, slapping the mirror down on the table. “Then I’m off. Don’t wait up, dear.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Kurt flashed him his brightest fake smile before going back to his schedule. After all, Seb would be finished in only an hour or two. Give the boy time for a shower and Kurt could move in on him by morning. Kurt Hummel didn’t mind sloppy seconds when it was his best friend, but only his best friend. He was not touching anyone else’s leftovers with a ten foot stripper pole. 

The next morning, Sebastian stumbled into the dining hall with ten minutes to spare before the coffee disappeared for the morning. Sliding into the chair opposite Kurt, his head thunked onto the table. Taking pity on him, Kurt took Seb’s coffee cup, filled it, and dumped three creams and four sugars into it. “Morning, muffin. Want to tell me about it?” he asked. He got a grunt in reply. Kurt coaxed Sebastian’s head up far enough to get his coffee, but then it was hidden in his hands again. 

Kurt waited patiently, reading a book for his AP Lit class and sipping at his own cup of coffee. The door opened. Kurt glanced up in time to see the new boy slip in, looking just as tired, and rush over to the now empty urn. Kurt was sure he was going to wail to the heavens dramatically for a moment, but instead he did the most curious thing. He came halfway over to Kurt’s table, glanced at Kurt, stopped, rocked on his heels for a moment, and then seemed to come to a decision, because he resolutely crossed the rest of the way to the table and sat. 

“Uh, hi.” 

Kurt took a pointed sip of his own coffee, revelling in the new boy’s jealous glance. “Hello. Usually people wait until Sebby leaves. You’re different.” 

“Sebby?” Blaine glanced around until his eyes fell on Sebastian, who was still face down on the table. “Oh, Sebastian?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, I didn’t think he’d mind me sitting here. Do you?”

Kurt smiled pleasantly rather than answer. He really had no idea how he felt about this interloper yet, except that he was interfering with what was turning out to be a very intriguing D.H. Lawrence novel. 

“I’m Blaine.” He offered his hand and smiled. 

He certainly was perky enough, Kurt thought. The perky ones always drove Seb crazy. “Kurt. You don’t have any classes this morning?” 

“What time is it?”

“After ten. They took the coffee away so they could prepare for lunch.” 

“What?!? Oh my god! I am supposed to be in - something!” Blaine rummaged through his bag until he found a crumpled schedule. “Chemistry! God, I have Chemistry.” 

“Up the stairs, turn left, follow the green lockers to room 236.” 

“Thanks! Uh, don’t you two have class?” 

“This is our study hall. See you later, Blaine.” Kurt gave him a little wave and turned back to his book as Blaine rushed out the door. “Want to tell me about it?” he asked his best friend again. 

“Perky,” Sebastian muttered into the table. 

“I noticed. You hate perky.” 

Sebastian finally lifted his head. “Not as much as you do.” 

“It doesn’t really matter if they don’t talk.” Kurt winked and Sebastian laughed. “You let them talk too much. Open mouth, insert...” He did a cute little shimmy.

“Couldn’t agree more, but Blaine and I didn’t get to the part where he slurped on my stick.” 

“You didn’t?” 

“Perky. Really, really, perky. He wanted to watch the stars and talk! We stayed up all night talking.” Sebastian thought about that for a moment, staring at the bottom of his empty coffee cup. He eyed Kurt’s for a moment and Kurt pulled his mug closer, protectively. “Well, Blaine talked and I shamelessly hit on him, which he ignored.” 

“You think he’s a virgin?”

“Yeah.” Sebastian sighed. “Crack his knees open for me, Kurt, please! You’re so much better with virgins. You do that whole ‘we’re so innocent together’ act and they eat that shit up.” 

“You want me to de-virginize Blaine so you can have a night of raunchy, filthy sex with him?”

“Yes.” 

“And in return I get what?” 

“Umm, sex with virgin Blaine? Boy has a sweet ass.” 

“Yes, yes, we’ve established this, but we’ve also established that he’s perky. I visit the sweet bower of Blaine-love and you know what is going to happen?” Kurt asked. Sebastian smirked back at him. He knew exactly what would happen, but Kurt told him anyway. “He’s going to follow me around, all love-sick, and when he realizes he’s not going to get second breakfast, he’ll start leaving dead rabbits in my locker.” 

“I’ll pay you.” 

“No.”

“I’ll do your Econ homework.”

“Not remotely.”

“I won’t ever tell your father that you were the one driving when we hit that Rolls.”

“Bastard. Alright, but you also clean any dead things out of my locker.” 

“Deal.” Sebastian offered his hand and Kurt shook it. 

Seduction started at lunch.


	2. Pretty Young Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt talks to Blaine.

“Blaine,” Kurt called, waving. “Blaine, want to join us?” He gestured to the empty seat in front of him, the one Sebastian usually filled. 

“Oh, hi. Umm, that’d be great. Is Sebastian here?” 

“He will be.” Kurt nodded toward the seat on his right. Nick, with a full tray, moved to fill it, but Kurt pulled it into the table with his foot. “So, Seb hasn’t had a chance. Tell me all about yourself.” 

Grinning, Blaine set down his tray. Kurt couldn’t help thinking how much he looked like a puppy with floppy ears. “There’s not much to tell.”

“Oh, there must be. You’re here after all. Dalton isn’t for those kind of people, unless they have a scholarship.” He thought about that for a moment. “And after they do, I suppose they’re not those kind of people anymore.”

“Well, uh...”

“I didn’t mean to imply that it’s bad to have a scholarship, sugar. It’s good. It’s means you’re something special.” 

Blaine rubbed the back of his neck, so obviously out of his element. “I do have a music scholarship.”

“Really? Do you plan on trying out for the Warblers?”

“I plan to. I want to. The Warblers are awesome.”

“We’re like rockstars,” Kurt agreed. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his best friend change course and sit with Thad. Coward, Kurt thought. 

“You’re in the Warblers?”

“Both Seb and I are.” He preened for a moment. “I’m the only countertenor.” 

“Wow. Will you sing for me?”

“Perhaps later. Tell me more. What makes up Blaine Anderson?” 

Kurt listened as Blaine rambled on about his life, making appropriate noises where necessary. Finally, almost at the end of the lunch period, Blaine asked, “But what about you? I know you’re a Warbler and a countertenor, which I really want to hear, but what brought you here to Dalton? It wasn’t the anti-bullying policy, was it?” And in that tone, Kurt heard desperation and he worried. Just then the clock struck it’s ringing charm, beckoning them back to class. 

Leaning forward, Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hand. “Room 733. Come and see me and we’ll talk some more.” 

“All right. Will Sebastian be there? I, uh...” Blaine blushed.

“We’ll talk about Sebastian too, but he won’t be there tonight. Just you and me and some popcorn, alright?”

Blaine looked just a little deflated. “Alright.” The bell rang again and he rushed off to class. Kurt walked a more leisurely route, his best friend falling into step with him. They had AP Economics together, after all. 

“Well?”

“I think he was bullied and possibly abused.” 

“Shit.” 

“Seb, we have to step carefully with this one.” Kurt stopped, staring into the eyes of his best friend. “If he was hurt by bullies, sleeping with him will be dangerous.” 

“Dangerous is my middle name.”

“I thought it was Clarence.” 

Sebastian growled, but nodded. “I hate you.”

“I know.” Kurt grinned. “Still, this will take a while.” 

“Damn!” 

“Look, I’ll take you to that bar in Dayton...”

Sebastian grinned. “This is why I love you.” Leaning forward he gave Kurt an eskimo kiss. 

“Because I take you to gay bars or because I deliver pretty, young, traumatised boys into your clutches?”

“Both. Let’s get to class before Garson marks us late.”


	3. How Think Do You Drunk I Am?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian can't figure out what to do about Blaine, so they go out dancing and get drunk instead.

Kurt had his own night of sitting up with Blaine that evening, although not nearly as late. Blaine excused himself around midnight before they even consumed the second pint of ice cream. He was definitely perky and definitely sexy. It frustrated Kurt. He couldn’t figure out anything else to do, so he made good on his word and took Sebastian out to that nightclub in Dayton they both liked. 

_Sequin_ in Dayton featured its usual roundup of really hot guys in too tight clothes. Sebastian fit right in, dancing, grinding, sweating. On the dance floor, as long as his partner or partners were moving well, he didn’t even open his eyes to see what the guy looked like. One time he had and found the guy staring back had a schnoz bigger than Barbra Streisand’s. It had been such a shame because the guy was an incredible dancer and he’d been just about to get off in his pants. 

Sometimes Kurt came to dance with his best friend until they were both a sweaty mess. Sometimes he sat the whole night on a barstool, just watching, fending off solicitations from Daddys who thought he’d taste like chicken. Tonight he sat in a booth in the back with his feet up on the opposite seat, so no one could sit other than Seb. He had a clear view of his friend on the dancefloor, Seb’s head thrown back, his hips grinding away. He and Seb didn’t try to fuck unless they were really, really drunk, but that didn’t stop Kurt from admiring how sexy he was. 

No, Kurt and Seb did not fuck. They were not boyfriends or anything sappy like that and they were not going to be. Neither of them wanted a boyfriend for one. Boyfriends were complicated and full of feelings. Sebastian didn’t want to be tied down and Kurt didn’t want to open himself up that much. 

Sebastian finally got tired and came to take a breather. He brought drinks with him, so Kurt grudgingly allowed him to sit. “Thinking about how to crack open some virgin thighs?” he asked, passing Kurt a gin martini. 

“Wondering if I want to.” 

“How can you not want to? Are you blind? That boy is hot with an ass you could bounce a quarter off of and he’s so eager for it!” 

“I know, I know, but I’ve been googling and things. He was jumped, Seb. At his old school. I found an article that I think is him. About four weeks ago, he was beaten up badly. I don’t know. I think it’s wrong.” 

“What if we are here, fated to help him get over things by fucking him really, really hard until he comes entirely apart? Tell me you don’t want those pretty lips wrapped around your dick and those sweet hazel eyes staring up at you as he brings you off?” 

“I do!” Kurt groaned, slouching into the bench. “I’m going to Hell.”

“You don’t even believe in Hell.” 

“See, and that just makes it worse. I’m going to a place that doesn’t even exist.” He sipped delicately at his drink. “Go away meerkat-face. I need to brood.”

“Whatever.” But Sebastian was laughing as he got up and went back to dancing. Kurt just stared at his martini, willing the gin to tell him the answers. Gin just didn’t speak. Absynth maybe, but not gin. And walking down to the hookah bar two corners over that served absynth was a bad idea. The last time they’d done that, Sebastian got high and decided he was a winged monkey and kept jumping off of things. Which was, yes, exceedingly hilarious, but also hard to control. Seb did have 30 pounds on him. 

The thing was, Kurt didn’t want to get involved with Blaine, but he did at the same time. He was not naturally an open and trusting person. Sebastian was really the only person he trusted in the world other than his dad. And wasn’t that a twisted, fucked up statement. Still, they worked as best friends precisely because they didn’t (well, almost never) fucked. 

After several drinks of his own, Sebastian came back with a new drink. “Looks like you don’t even need this,” putting it on the table next to Kurt’s largely untouched other drink. 

“I’m having a crisis.” 

“No shit.” Sitting, Sebastian put his feet up on the table and sipped at his beer. “Want to tell Daddy all about it?” 

“That’s just disgusting.” 

“And?”

Kurt sighed, spinning one of the martinis. “What if he’s broken? What if they, you know? That’s totally taking advantage.” 

“Not everyone goes through that.” 

Kurt snorted. “Yeah, some of us are rich assholes.” 

“Exactly. And, there is one way to find out.” 

Kurt just stared at him.

“We can ask.” 

“Are you mental? We can’t just ask him.” 

“Why not?” 

“Again you display all the sensitivity of a treebound sloth.” 

Picking up one of Kurt’s drinks, Sebastian took a sip and then made a face. “Tastes like grass. How can you drink that shit?” 

“When I’m brooding I don’t _want_ my drinks to taste good.” 

“That is seriously fucked up.” Getting up, he grabbed Kurt’s arm and yanked him out of the booth. “First we are going to get you a proper fruity drink befitting a pasty-faced twink like yourself.” Kurt wanted to frown at that, but he couldn’t help laughing. “And then, we’re going to dance. And then maybe we’ll get pretty boys to give us head in the bathroom.” 

“I like this plan.”

“Of course you do. I thought of it.” 

Sebastian got himself another beer and a sweet concoction for Kurt that was swirled brown and white. “It’s got caramel and chocolate,” he said. “You seriously need it.” He did and as soon as he was done drinking it, Seb dragged him onto the dance floor. 

The two of them grinding together had the usual effect of drawing other people to them. Kurt liked to call it the Sebastian effect. Seb was incredible looking and dancing with Kurt, for some reason, relaxed him, making him look even sexier. Kurt thought he probably earned sexy points by association. He suspected people danced with him and kissed him and even blew him in an effort to get closer to Seb. But tonight he wanted Seb to himself. 

His next drink was green and the one after that was blue. After a pink one that tasted like cotton candy, he finally forced Seb to stop feeding him drinks. 

“Have you gotten blown in the bathroom yet? Because I seriously need to lay down.” 

“The room spinning, gorgeous?” 

“Fuck.” 

Laughing, Sebastian bundled him into a cab and took him to a nearby hotel, the one they usually stayed at when they were in Dayton. At first, in their friendship, Kurt hadn’t wanted to rely on Sebastian’s generosity, but Sebastian said, “Let me be selfish, you idiot. I am not staying in some half-assed place because your poor-ass self can’t afford better.” After that, Kurt let Sebastian take care of these kinds of things. 

As soon as they were up in their room, Sebastian pinned Kurt to the wall, attacking his neck. 

“Seb! Oh, fuck, Seb! Want you so bad!” 

“Want you all the time!” Sebastian mumbled back. 

“Fuck me! Fuck me hard!” 

“If I can get you out of your damn clothes.” 

Shoving his friend away, giggling as Sebastian stumbled backwards and fell in a drunken heap on the bed, Kurt pulled off his clothes himself. “You going to get naked or you planning to fuck me through your pants?” Only he was really drunk, so it slurred out as _“Ur gon naket or plannin’ to fuck through pnts?”_

Sebastian laughed at that and shoved off his pants. He tried to unbutton his shirt, but that seemed to be too much for the moment, so, still laughing, he left it on. 

Kurt climbed on top of him and started sucking at his neck. “W’nt you ‘ways,” he murmured. Pulling him down, Sebastian rocked up against him. 

“Fuck.”

“Hmm?”

“Too dr’nk.” 

“Asssss.” But Kurt laughed, rolling away to lay on the bed next to his friend. “A’ways too dr’nk,” he complained. 

“Hmm. C’nt git it up.” He rolled onto his side. “E’vn fer you.” 

“Hmm.” Curling up on his side, Kurt fell asleep. Sebastian watched him for a moment before following him into drunken slumber.


	4. Eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this update is so short. Work is kicking my ass. 
> 
> Notice the updated tags. I forgot the possible eating disorder and body issues were in there.

The hangover the next day was horrendous. Kurt was sure it registered on the richter scale. He wanted to die. Slow painful death by white hot pokers would be better. And he hadn’t even opened his eyes yet. 

Slowly, he inched his lids open. In the dim light of the hotel room, he could see Sebastian passed out on the bed beside him, his club clothes still mostly on and glitter in his hair. He looked ridiculous laying there, his mouth open and drool pooling on the pillow, snoring loud enough to rattle a frickin’ mack truck. 

Groaning, Kurt crawled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom to relieve himself. After he was done, he checked to see if Seb was still passed out before he stuck his finger down his throat and made himself throw up. It helped with the hangover and had the added bonus of getting rid of any nasty calories those sugary drinks had in them. Kurt didn’t need to be fat on top of everything else. 

He did not have an eating disorder, thank you very much. He just had some body issues and knew throwing up helped in situations like these. It wasn’t like he did it all the time. Still, he preferred Seb not see it because he would bitch about Kurt needing therapy, again. Seb was a therapy addict. He loved going to someone who had to sit still for an hour and listen to all of his problems. He adored the attention. 

After a few minutes, he felt a lot better. He took his phone and the room service menu into the bathroom and ordered hot coffee, an English breakfast for Sebastian, and a bowl of mango-basil salad for himself, two large bottles of water, and three packets of Goody Powder. When he came back out, Sebastian was staring at him, bleary eyed. 

“Room service is on the way.” 

“You are a god.” 

“I know.” Kurt smirked at him. “Gods get the shower first.” Turning around, he headed back into the bathroom, stripping off along the way. 

After a long, hot shower, he emerged to find Sebastian finishing his own breakfast and starting to pick at Kurt’s. “Hands off.”

“That stuff is really good.”

“So, order another one. Leave mine alone.” Kurt settled on the bed and served himself a coffee. 

“Did we try to have sex last night?”

“Probably. I don’t remember anything after that cotton candy martini.” 

Sebastian grinned. “I had him make it extra-strength for you.” 

“So kind of you.” 

Sebastian lounged against the pillows, showing off his abs. “We should have brought Blaine with us. I mean, a few drinks and-”

“He’s a virgin, remember. His first time shouldn’t be drunk.” 

“I’m getting a shower.” 

Kurt sighed, watching the retreating form of his best friend. Sebastian could be impatient sometimes. Well, a lot of times. He really didn’t have a good moral compass at the best of times. And sometimes he could be a true friend, Kurt thought, finding two of the Goody Powders still on the tray. He quickly downed them and chugged a bottle of water before digging into the salad. 

Sticking his head out the bathroom door, Sebastian asked, “But we are going to fuck him, right?” 

“Eventually.” 

He sighed and disappeared again. “I hate eventually,” he shouted through the door.


	5. Sometimes You Get What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian finally gets Blaine, but it might be a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Added tag for mentions of bullying. 
> 
> Blaine is being kind of an ass here, but in his defense he's had some recent bad events.

The next day, Kurt was having a quiet Sunday morning in the junior commons when Blaine walked in. “Oh, Blaine, did you want something?” 

“Yeah, I’m looking for Sebastian.” 

“He’s at lacrosse practice. If you want to watch, they usually have a few spectators. I can walk you over there.” 

“I don’t want to disturb you.” 

“Not at all.” Gathering his things, Kurt put them in his messenger bag and shouldered it. “Come on. I want to see how many times he messes up and make fun of him later.” 

“That’s not very nice,” Blaine said, frowning. 

Kurt shrugged. “It’s how he and I are.” 

“That’s not an excuse.” 

Kurt lengthened his stride, forcing Blaine into a trot to keep up. “Excuse for what?” 

“Being mean. You should treat him with respect.” 

Kurt stopped and spun around so fast, Blaine tripped over his own feet trying to avoid him and ended up in a heap on the ground. “Who do you think you are, munchkin king? My friendship with Sebastian is none of your business.” 

“I’m not that short and you are a rude person,” Blaine told him, dusting himself off. “I’m not going to let you bully me.” 

“Bully? Who do you think you are that you are noteworthy enough to bully?” Turning around again, with his nose in the air, Kurt went up to Sebastian’s room. He would have gone to his own, but he didn’t want Blaine finding him for any reason and also because Sebastian had this silly bean bag and target set that Kurt liked to toss when he was angry. 

That’s what Sebastian found when he came in after lacrosse practice, Kurt tossing bean bags as hard as he could against the wall. 

“Something wrong?” he asked, leaning against the door frame, trying to gauge how safe it was to cross the room to his bathroom. 

“Blaine fucking Anderson!” 

“Wow. Just wow. What the hell did he do? He showed up halfway through -” 

“Don’t talk to me about him,” Kurt snarled. “He called me a bully.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Because I called him a munchkin.” Kurt thought about that for a moment. “Am I bully? I am mean to people. Am I like … him? Like them?” 

“No! That’s just fucked up.” He finally deemed it safe enough to cross the room. “Come on, talk to me while I shower. I smell.” 

Kurt took a whiff, repressing the lustful grin he wanted to give his friend and instead scrunching up his nose. “You totally do. I bet they can smell you …” He trailed off, realizing just what he was doing.

“Don’t. If you and I can’t snipe at each other, where in the world will we find fun?” 

Kurt nodded, following him into the tiny bathroom and hopping up on the sink. They did this a lot actually. They couldn’t do it in Kurt’s bathroom because every available surface was covered in product, but when Kurt used Sebastian’s shower, Seb would always come in and sit on the sink too. “He has a crush on you.” 

“Well, that’s convenient, right?” 

“It means you’re going to be cleaning the dead things out of your own locker. Don’t do this. It’ll be Eli all over again.” 

“Fuck, Eli...” Sebastian worked some shampoo through his hair. “I don’t know. That is one fine ass. Maybe it’s worth it.” 

“Up to you, but when he goes all creepy stalker on you, I get to point and laugh.” 

“I’ll figure out what to do. So, tell me about last week because Brian told me during practice that it was more than you told me it was.” 

Kurt frowned. “What did Brian say happened?” 

“That he came up to the gates and asked for you.” 

“How is that different from what I said?” 

Stepping out of the shower, Sebastian grabbed the towel Kurt handed to him. “I do believe you glossed the whole thing. ‘He seems to know now where I go to school,’ you said.” 

“He does.” 

“He doesn’t just know where you go to school, he’s trying to get in and hurt you.” 

Kurt nodded, picking at his sleeves. “Yeah, I suppose so.” 

“Say the word and I’ll hire a hitman. You know I will.” Stepping close, he lifted Kurt’s chin. “I really want to hurt him. He makes you look like a kicked puppy and it’s really hard to insult your pasty ass when you look like that.” 

“I do apologize for ruining your fun.” Kurt hopped down off the sink and threaded his way between it and Sebastian, back out into Seb’s room. “You know what we should do?” 

“Drop water balloons on Thad again? Then run away and blame it on Nick?” Sebastian suggested as he pulled on clean clothes. 

“Oh, that was so much fun, but no. We should go convince some Freshmen to go on a snipe hunt and then laugh at them when they straggle home covered in mud and leaves.” 

Sebastian grinned. “We could convince some of them there’s a secret tunnel to the girls’ school through the cellar.” 

“That would be soooo funny.” 

“Let’s do it!” Sebastian offered his arm and Kurt took it as they went to make mischief. 

In the end they convinced nearly 15 freshmen that they needed to look for the tunnel. Then they sat in the hall watching them run up and down, talking about flashlights and shovels and things. 

“What’s going on?” Blaine asked, walking up to a giggling Sebastian. 

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” 

“Tell them we need a pickaxe,” One boy yelled as he ran past. Kurt snorted and hid his laughter in his hands. 

“Oh no.” Jeff slid onto the bench next to Kurt. “You two didn’t.” 

“Didn’t what?” Kurt asked, all fake innocence. 

“You told them something?” Blaine snapped. “Something that will get them hurt?” 

“Back off, short stuff,” Sebastian told him with an easy going grin. “It’s just a fun joke.” 

“It’s not fun if someone gets hurt,” Blaine said, waving his arms at appropriate moments. “I just heard that guy talking about a pickaxe.” He looked straight at Kurt. “What did you tell them?” 

“ **He** didn’t tell them anything.” Sebastian’s eyes were glinting dangerously now. 

“Don’t, Seb. This was my idea and I’ll take credit for it.” 

One of the freshmen racing past slid to a stop in front of Jeff. “Do you know where it is?” 

“It being?” 

“The secret tunnel.” 

“Oh, right … the one to town that ends at the coffee shop, the one that goes under the lacrosse field or -”

“There’s more than one?” 

“There are dozens and dozens of old tunnels around this place, right Kurt?” 

“Absolutely. This school sits on ground that used to once be a monastery and there are escape tunnels everywhere.” 

Blaine’s frown got deeper and deeper as he listened. 

“To escape from the Indians?” 

“No,” Kurt told him, “not from the Native Americans. From the Vikings.” 

“Vikings? There were no Vikings in Ohio!” 

“There were in Greenland. The beer was really good here, so they’d sail down and attack the monastery and the town below to steal the women.” 

“Always with the women,” Jeff agreed, nodding sagely. 

“Wow!” 

“He’s lying,” Blaine told him. 

“Aren’t you a wet blanket,” Sebastian complained. “And anyway, how would you know? You’ve been here what? A week?” 

Kurt looked at the poor freshmen. “Monastery, Vikings, beer.” The kid cheered and ran off. 

“Why’d you do that?” Jeff asked, looking at Blaine. 

“You can’t just bully these kids. I won’t let you.” 

“Bully?” 

“I don’t like that word just being tossed around,” Sebastian told him. 

“I’m sorry, but what would you call it?” 

“Hazing?” 

“I’d go with ‘playing a practical joke’,” Kurt said quietly so as not to be heard by any of the freshmen. 

“I don’t like your jokes,” Blaine snapped. 

“Hey, calm down, tiger,” Sebastian told him with a smoldering smirk. Kurt snorted when he saw it, sharing a grin with Jeff. “No one is going to get hurt. It’s just good fun.”

Blaine nodded, reluctantly. “Still...”

Sebastian stood, leaning against the wall in such a way that cornered Blaine against it. “Freshman will believe almost anything. It’s not my fault they’re gullible, but if you don’t want to watch it, why don’t we go upstairs. I’m sure we could find something to do.”

“Dead bunnies in your locker,” Kurt sang softly, making Jeff laugh. Sebastian ignored them. Slinging his arm around Blaine’s shoulders, he led him upstairs.


	6. Chocolates Anyone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine makes up with Kurt. Sebastian is a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian has my favorite line in the whole fic in this chapter. :)

Sebastian whistled as he got his coffee the next morning, then sat down at the table opposite his best friend. 

“Had a good night?” 

“You are looking at one very satisfied Warbler.”

“Good for you.” Kurt tried to smile. “Did you do it in his room or yours?”

“His. Makes it easier to leave.” 

The door opened and Blaine stumbled in. He looked around and made a beeline for Sebastian. “Hi.” Everyone else at the table suddenly found their coffee very interesting. 

“Hi, Blaine. How... Feeling... Good morning.” He looked around. “You know, I need some more coffee. Why don’t you take my chair?” 

“Can we talk?” 

“I’d rather not.” 

“Please.”

Sebastian turned his imploring eyes on Kurt. 

“Don’t look at me. He doesn’t like me.” 

Sebastian’s eyes desperately swept the table and then came back to Kurt again. 

“Fine! But you soooo owe me, Smythe.” Standing, Kurt swallowed the rest of his coffee before coming around the table. “Blaine, we need to talk. Don’t make this hard.” He gently guided Blaine out of the room. “I’m not sure what romantic notions you’ve got about Sebastian, but he’s not really the boyfriend type.” 

“I’m different. We’re different.”

“We all tell ourselves that. It’s alright.”

“We?”

“We, as in you and the other people Sebastian has slept with. Sebastian and I have never... The point is, Seb doesn’t sleep with the same person twice.”

“But...”

Kurt shook his head sadly. “He has me telling you this so it won’t get awkward.” _For him,_ he added silently. 

Blaine drew himself up to full height, which wasn’t very much. “Well, he’s a coward then.” 

“That’s not exactly an incorrect assumption. I’d lean more toward pampered, rich boy.” 

“Why do you do his dirty work?” 

Kurt grinned. “Because he bats those beautiful eyelashes at me, of course.” Kurt smiled as he watched Blaine walk off to class, waving a bit jovially. 

“You think you two have avoided dead furry things?” Jeff asked as he walked up behind him. 

“Nah, but we can only try.” He waved to Blaine again as the other student rounded the corner. 

Well, he expected dead bunnies, but what he found was quite different. A few days later, ones in which he saw neither cute hide nor curly hair of Blaine, he found...

“Seb?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s a heart shaped box in my locker.” 

Seb shoved him aside. “Check it for booby traps!” But there were no booby traps, so Kurt opened it and found chocolates inside. Very nice chocolates in fact, Vogues candies, which Kurt not-so-secretly loved. 

“Wow.” 

“Someone likes Kurt,” Sebastian sing-songed in his ear. 

“Yes, and he knows me so well.” 

Sebastian frowned at that. 

Kurt popped a bacon flavored dark chocolate confection with sea salt, moaning as it dissolved in his mouth and slid down his throat. “Oh, this is heaven.” 

“Is it?” Blaine asked, walking up, entirely too eager. 

“It’s perfect. How did you know? This is you, right?” 

He nodded eagerly. “You said something the night we were talking about how vegetarians would do anything for bacon. It’s wasn’t a stretch after that,” Blaine told him, grinning. 

“You’re so perceptive.” Kurt offered his arm for Blaine to walk him to class. Sebastian frowned. 

Later Kurt found a very pretty tennis bracelet in his locker. “Oh, Blaine,” he cooed, trying it on. 

“Not Blaine,” Sebastian told him, leaning up against the locker beside him. “Didn’t you see the inscription.” 

Kurt looked. “Yours forever.” He shook his head. “That could be anyone. It’s vague. But who else gave me chocolates today.” 

“It’s not vague!” Sebastian insisted, grabbing Kurt’s wrist and looking at it. “It’s not vague.” 

“Who are you trying to tell me it’s from? Someone on the Lacrosse Team?”

“Well, yes.” 

“Colbert? Smith? Jones? Stewart? Cleeeese?” Kurt leaned forward into Sebastian’s personal space, batting his eyelashes exaggeratedly, just like he normally would, not expecting that Sebastian would grab his shoulders and kiss him. “Uh...” 

“Shut up. It’s just chocolates and stuff.” 

Kurt pulled back, evaluating. “Blaine gave me the chocolates.” 

“Yes, I suppose so.” 

“And you gave me this tennis bracelet?” 

Sebastian looked away, shrugging his shoulders. “I just thought, maybe, you know, as we’ve been friends so long and … bird!” he yelled, pointing out the window. Kurt glanced away for only a moment, but by the time he looked back, Sebastian was already fleeing down the hall. 

“A coward indeed,” he muttered to himself. Lifting his wrist, he admired the bracelet. It was typical Sebastian, expensive, tasteful, but not personal. Most likely purchased by a private shopper. A Smythe didn’t do these things for himself. Still, he didn’t take it off.


	7. Because he's a ho? And I say that in the nicest of ways.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually, Kurt fomented the gossip. He invented it (when necessary), distributed it, and then reveled in the resulting chaos. He suspected right now that he was the subject of gossip and that didn’t please him at all.

The next day, Blaine met him at breakfast and asked if he could sit. 

Kurt indicated the chair across from him. “I liked the chocolates very much. They were thoughtful. Were they for any reason in particular?” 

“When you were talking to me about Sebastian, I realized I’ve been kind of unfair to you. I can be single minded sometimes. I just … but then I realized he’s really not the guy for me.” 

“Because he’s a ho? And I say that in the nicest of ways.” 

Blaine laughed. “No. I mean, kind of.” They both giggled. “But what does that say about me? I slept with him. I mean, you haven’t, right?” 

“Certainly not sober and we never seem to succeed when we’re drunk.” 

“Succeed?” 

Kurt passed his jam packets to Blaine, who seemed to be slathering as much jelly on his bread as he could. “We get really really, and I do mean really drunk when we’re out dancing and then we go back to whatever hotel to flop. If you’re that drunk, a derelict would look good to you. Well, maybe to Seb, but anyway, we often try, but end up passed out before we can even get our clothes off.” 

“That’s pretty drunk.” 

Kurt sat back, contemplating Blaine. “This is a big change of attitude. What happened?” He glanced up and noticed Sebastian coming toward them, but when he saw Blaine he made a quick detour to sit with some guys on the lacrosse team. 

“I had a long talk with Jeff,” Blaine told him around a big mouthful of jelly and bread. Kurt tried not to grimace when a glob of it dropped onto Blaine’s tie. “I didn’t realize a lot of things and I know I was kind of on edge.” He took a long swallow of his milk. “I didn’t know about all the stuff we had in common. You and me, I mean.” 

“I could play dumb here, but I won’t. We don’t talk about that stuff.” 

“But -”

“ **I don’t** talk about that stuff. So, if you’re here for some sort of self-help, I’m not the person for that.” 

“No, no, that’s not what I’m looking for.” He took another bite of bread. “Well, kinda, I guess I am, but in the sense that we share something, you know? They -”

“And that’s enough sharing,” Kurt told him brightly. “I have some homework to do. I’ll see you-”

“Wait,” Blaine grabbed for his wrist before he could get up. Kurt noticed it was a bit sticky. “I’ll stop, I promise. We can talk about something else … like … what did those freshmen end up doing?” 

“The ones digging in the basement, who we convinced there were Vikings and beer?” Kurt asked as he dabbed at his wrist with a wet napkin.

Blaine giggled. “That’s kind of funny in retrospect. I was being an ass that night. I’m sorry.” 

“Apology accepted. Would you believe they found an old cask down there?” 

“No! Really?” 

“It was full of vinegar, but it was a very old cask. It impressed me ever so slightly. Then they got caught by the cook’s assistant and a few of them got detention. Not all of them.” 

“That seems kind of unfair that they get detention for your amusement.” 

“It is, isn’t it?” Kurt agreed with a rueful grin. “Can I ask you something?” Blaine nodded. “Do you still like Sebastian?” 

Blaine frowned, shoving at the rest of his jelly-bread. “That’s something Jeff and I talked about too. He told me you were being honest when you said Sebastian never sleeps with a person twice. He also said … some other stuff. I kinda came to the realization that I was crushing. It hurts, but he would never be with me. I’m not going to be the person to change him.”

“What makes you so sure?” 

“He’s already … I mean, I just am.” He paused. “Also, Jeff told me to get over myself before he and Nick were forced to replace my hair gel with Nair.” 

Kurt actually snorted he laughed so hard. “OMG, that would be so funny.” He looked up and his gaze met Blaine’s best puppy-dog eyes. “Oh, honey, it would be, but we’ll just keep it theoretical for now, OK?” 

“OK.” Blaine smiled brightly, having gotten his way. Kurt couldn’t help but be impressed by the way he’d been manipulated. Blaine had definite potential.

Breakfast was soon over and Kurt walked Blaine to his first class. “Maybe sometime we could talk. Not now, but maybe. I think it would be good for you.” 

Kurt frowned. “And that is exactly why I don’t want to talk about it, no offense.” Dropping Blaine off at his classroom, he strutted off down the hall with as much catwalk as possible. 

Sebastian met him at the door to his classroom just before lunch. “Uh, hi.” 

“Are you going to try to kiss me again?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. You must be delusional as usual or the glitter has just gone to your brain.” 

Kurt smiled, falling into step with him as they made their way down to the cafeteria. “At least I have a brain. Yours leaked out your ears long ago. Must have been the syphilis.” 

“I’ll have you know that was cleared up several months ago.” He leered at Kurt. “Want to find out for sure?” 

“Does this involve holding your hand at the clinic?” Kurt asked as they sat down at their usual table with Nick and Jeff. “Because if so, your palms are sweaty and it’s gross.” 

Nick opened his notebook and waited anxiously. 

“Aww, princess, I thought you liked your men sweaty. I thought you liked to lick - “ 

“Uncle!” Kurt shouted, slapping a hand over Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian licked it. “Eww! Just eww!” 

Nick recorded a point for Sebastian. 

“So, you two are good now?” Jeff asked. “No more tension or whatever was going on?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sebastian told him. 

“Yes, but we already said that’s only because the syphilis turned your brain into mush and it leaked out your ears,” Kurt reminded him. Blaine approached their table and Kurt nodded to the seat across from him. Sebastian looked apprehensive, but he stayed where he was. 

“So, I don’t suppose any of you kept your notes from Chemistry last year?” 

“Talk to Kurt,” Nick told him. 

“Kurt’s the nerd,” Sebastian agreed.

“Just because I can actually pass a test does not make me a nerd. It just indicates I have an IQ higher than a horseshoe crab, unlike the rest of you.” 

They laughed and Nick recorded a point for Kurt. 

“I’ll get them for you later,” Kurt told him. “Just come by my room after dinner. If you want, we can watch a movie or something.” 

“Don’t you have classes to study for,” Sebastian snapped. 

Kurt just stared at him, blinking slowly. “Is it that time of the month, dear?” 

“Yeah, usually you two are in sync,” Jeff snarked. 

“Whatever.” Getting up, Sebastian slid his chair back in with a bang and stalked out of the room. 

“What is wrong with him lately?” Kurt asked the table in general, not actually expecting an answer. The other three boys just looked at one another, sharing a secret smile. 

Usually, Kurt fomented the gossip. He invented it (when necessary), distributed it, and then reveled in the resulting chaos. He suspected right now that he was the subject of gossip and that didn’t please him at all. 

Raising a brow, he informed his friends, “Justice is swift and random.” Then he followed Sebastian out of the dining hall, tossing away most of his food. 

He found Seb outside on a bench, staring into the garden, his grimace the definition of moody. 

“Hi, I’m Kurt. I’ve been assigned as your personality coach. First tip, smile.” 

“Shut up.” 

“What’s eating you?” 

“Nobody, sadly.” 

Kurt ‘hmmmed’, sitting down beside him. “That isn’t like you. Usually you have guys lining up to suck your dick. I’d like to think you’ve at least gotten laid more often that I have this month.” 

“You haven’t gotten laid at all this month, so since I fucked Blaine Anderson, you know I’ve gotten laid more. There’s no thinking about it.” 

Kurt laughed. “Well, I still have 2 days. I bet I could get sweet, little Blaine to get on his knees for me. What do you think?” He looked over at his best friend only to be met with a murderous gaze. “What?” 

“Sweet? Anderson is sweet?” 

“Kind of.” 

“Spending a lot of time with him, aren’t you?” 

Kurt shrugged, not sure where this was going. “He and I have a lot in common.” 

“Of course, that’s why. You have so much in common. It’s not because you want him? Going to date the sweet boy? Because I can tell you right now, you’ll be disappointed. He’s terrible in bed.” 

“He was a virgin. I’d be shocked if he were excellent at it yet. I don’t know why you pursue virgins. You always complain about their skills.” 

“Yeah, well, maybe I won’t anymore,” Sebastian grumped. 

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” Kurt patted his hand condescendingly. 

“You didn’t answer me. When are you two moving in together and getting a cat?” 

“I don’t do relationships. You know that. Why are you worrying about this?” 

“I’m not.” 

Kurt frowned. Obviously asking directly was not going to get the information he wanted. “You know, Blaine isn’t really much of a challenge, is he?” 

“Well, not anymore. He thinks you invented the rainbows he wants to be sparkly in.” Sebastian met his gaze. “Since when have you liked a challenge?” 

Kurt shrugged. “Maybe I need to up my game.” 

“Well, you have been kneeling at the feet of a master for some time now.” 

“Not so much kneeling as ... not kneeling,” Kurt stuttered off. Sebastian laughed at him. “Shut up.” He shoved Sebastian’s shoulder. 

“You’re wearing the bracelet.” 

Kurt took a look. He hadn’t taken it off since he’d gotten it. “It is genuine, after all, and it goes with my outfit.” 

“I like you wearing it.” 

“Are you about to get sappy and weird again?” 

“Of course not.” Sebastian snorted. “Want to go to Dayton?” 

“To - yes.” 

“What about Blaine?”

“You’re more important.” 

Sebastian’s eyes lit up when he heard that. “Well, of course I am. I’m Sebastian Smythe after all.” 

And although he was insufferable, Kurt couldn’t disagree with that logic.


	8. Obsession Obtained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally get their act together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments and love! You make writing and posting worth it!
> 
> Another story done, but I promise I'll return with another soon.

Kurt broke the news to Blaine when he dropped off his Chemistry notes. 

“Dayton?” Blaine asked, grinning. “Well ... well.” 

“Well? Is there something I should know?” 

“No, not a thing.”

“You’re hanging out too much with Jeff. Be careful. You might catch his idiocy.” 

Blaine just laughed at that, which irritated Kurt all the more. Turning on his heel, he stalked down the hall, intent on finding the absolute perfect outfit. He intended to get laid and get Sebastian laid, which might or might not involve using the same person. They’d done that before, although often by mistake. 

When Kurt stepped out of his room to meet Sebastian, he drew every eye in the hallway. Around his neck hung a silver tie, knotted, but loose, showing off the curve of his neck. His black shirt lacked sleeves and only buttoned halfway up his chest. His jeans hugged his ass like a second skin and over them a pair of patent leather boots wrapped all the way up his legs to the bottom of his thighs. “Problem?” he asked the boys in general. He got several wolf whistles in return, which made him smirk as he strutted down the hall, out of sight.

He met Sebastian at the car, a very rumpled looking Sebastian. “Are you even trying?” 

“Trying what?” He looked Kurt up and down. “You look like a world class hooker tonight. Intending on meeting the love of your life?” 

“Only for 20 minutes,” Kurt sniped back. “It’s 20 minutes better than you’ll do looking like that.” He pursed his lips, very pouty lips shiny with gloss. “I should make you go change, but we don’t have time. You’ll just have to take off your shirt when we get there.” 

But Sebastian did not take off his shirt, and what’s more he hovered over Kurt like a protective aunt, chaperoning him on a date. 

“Will you stop it?” 

“I don’t like the air in here tonight. Let’s just go.” 

“You really need to get laid.” 

Sebastian smiled for the first time all night. “Yeah? You up for the job?” 

Those words sucked the air right out of Kurt’s lungs. 

“You’re still wearing my bracelet.” Grabbing Kurt’s hand, Sebastian pulled him close, tight to his chest, grinding against him slowly, completely disregarding the beat. 

“It goes with my outfit,” Kurt intoned, his brain still stuck on the idea that Sebastian wanted him. That he wanted to ... and it ... and ... 

“Come back to the hotel with me. Come back while we’re still sober and we know what we’re doing and we’re actually not too drunk to fuck for once.” He ground against Kurt, particularly slow and filthy. “I’ll make it so good.” 

“I ... we ... will you just leave in the morning? Because if so, then no.” 

“I thought you didn’t do relationships.” 

“Well, for you I could make an exception. You’re Sebastian Smythe after all.” And Kurt realized he actually meant it. His head spun with the idea, the news, the ... wow, he really did like Sebastian Smythe. 

“I’ll be there in the morning. I promise not to freak out and do something stupid for at least 24-hours.” 

Kurt wanted to sass something back along the lines of “don’t hurt yourself”, but Sebastian was already tugging on his wrist again, this time leading him out of the club. 

By the time they got to the hotel, Kurt’s skin was buzzing with the need for touch. Every step was a realization in just what this little game of pig-tail pulling with Sebastian had always been about. “We never managed to sleep together before because we knew what might happen.” 

“What?” 

“It’s like Freudian.” 

Sebastian just pushed him up against the wall of the elevator, kissing him for the second time while sober. It was a refreshing change, Sebastian’s tongue in his mouth, his slightly chapped lips aggressively seeking Kurt’s. “You had better hope those jeans come off easier than they went on,” he mumbled against Kurt’s lips, “because I am gonna fuck you so hard.”

“Fuck, yes!” 

Then he was being dragged out into the hall and through the door of their suite. Apparently the elevator reached their destination while Kurt was being made oblivious with kisses. 

They barely made it to the couch. Sebastian was already naked when he pulled Kurt down on top of him by his tie. “Why are you still wearing clothes?” 

“I ...” He was distracted by Sebastian attacking his neck, leaving what felt like permanent marks branded into his skin well above the collar line. Sebastian didn’t bother with niceties like buttons as he fairly attacked Kurt’s outfit, baring his chest, opening his jeans, pushing them down over the sweet swell of Kurt’s ass. 

“Commando?” he asked, pulling back for the first time, smirking. 

“Of course. Panty line anyone?” 

“Fuck, you’re hot.” 

“When did you figure that out?” 

“First time I saw you.” 

Just for that, Kurt didn’t complain when Sebastian’s long fingers wrapped themselves around his strands of his hair. 

Kurt finally had to sit up to divest himself of his boots and jeans, but it was worth it to really be able to look at Sebastian, the lean lines of his body, the smooth skin and oddly affectionate smile. “What is it?” 

“Just never thought this was going to happen.” 

“How long have you known? Since the chocolates?” 

“You’re talking too much again. There are better things to do with a mouth that pretty.” He tipped Kurt’s chin toward his already hard cock. Such a pretty cock. Sebastian’s was long and slightly thin, with a wicked curve. The head was plump and red, dripping. It made Kurt’s mouth water just to look at. He had to taste. 

“Mmm...” 

“Fuck! Don’t!” Sebastian pulled Kurt back up again much too soon. 

“Want to suck you off.” 

“Later.” His fingers, already slick with lube, slid between the cheeks of Kurt’s ass. “Want to fuck you now. Fuck you so hard that every class you sit through tomorrow makes you squirm.” 

“Because I’ll be so sore?” 

“Because you’ll feel so empty.” Sitting up, he pulled Kurt into his lap and pushed his fingers deeper, taking his time stretching Kurt’s hole. With his other hand, he jacked Kurt’s cock. “C’mon, baby. Want you to come.” 

“I ... when you’re inside me...” But even as he said it, Kurt pushed back on the fingers inside him, allowing Sebastian to play him like a fine violin. 

“You’ll come then too,” Sebastian promised with a smirk. 

“I’ve never...” 

“You will,” Seb promised, adding another finger and curling them just right to hit Kurt’s prostate and make him scream. With his other hand, he was rolling a condom onto his cock in jerky motions. “You’re never going to get off as hard with anyone else as you will with me. You’re never going to love anyone else like you love me.” 

“Fuck!” Kurt seized up and came all over Sebastian’s stomach in pearly splashes, marking his own territory. “Oh, fuck,” he panted against Sebastian’s neck. Seb’s fingers were still inside him, stretching him wide and although it should have made him want to pull away, too sensitive to continue, right now he wanted more. Wanted to ride Sebastian’s fingers even harder. 

“Baby?”

“Cock now! Want your cock. Want it -” He gasped when Sebastian gave him exactly what he asked for, his fingers digging into Kurt’s hips. Wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck, he just held on. It was hard, it was fast, and it was brutal. Kurt knew he’d be aching for days. And each night he’d be back for more, knocking on Sebastian’s door. “Fuck!” 

“I can hear your teeth rattle,” Sebastian told him with a smirk, his joke flat from lack of breath as he pulled Kurt down on his cock over and over again. 

“I can - oh!” 

“That’s it.” Sebastian hit his prostate again dead on. “You’re going to come for me again. You’re going to come so hard, baby.” 

Kurt nodded, unable to do more than grunt as he was pushed higher and higher. He’d never come more than once in a night before. Never even wanted to, but now ... “Oh, fuck! Fuck, fuck fuck!” And he was coming again, painting Sebastian’s abs. 

“Yes!” Lifting Kurt off his cock, Sebastian shoved him down on the couch cushions and then thrust into him again, making his languid body take it. “You’re so ... fuck you’re so fuck drunk!” 

“Mmm, come! Yes! Make me feel so empty without you!” Lifting his legs, he let Sebastian thrust deep, so deep. “Make me ...”

“Gonna!” Sebastian slammed in hard, coming. “Ruin you. Totally ruin you,” he whispered, slumping across Kurt, who just nodded, absently stroking Sebastian’s hair. 

They must have fallen asleep like that, because he woke with Sebastian still curled around him. “Seb?” he asked, nudging him. “Seb?” 

“Uh?” 

“You should take the condom off before it cum-glues to you.” 

“You are such a kill-joy,” Sebastian slurred. “OMG, I don’t have a headache.” He stumbled into the bathroom. 

“I know, right?” Kurt rolled away, searching for the room service menu. “You can have an order of that nice mango salad I always get this time.” 

“Mmm, no,” Sebastian told him, leaning in the doorway, “This morning we’re going to have round 2. Then we’re going to go have coffee and chocolate tart for breakfast in the dining room, because it’s awesome.” 

“Correction,” Kurt answered with a grin, “we’re going to have round 2 and then coffee and tart for breakfast here in bed where we can still be naked.” 

“Oh, this is why I like you so much. You’re smart.” 

"That the only reason?" Rolling onto his back, Kurt spread his legs lewdly. 

"Also because you're a sure thing," Sebastian said with a leer, crawling back onto the bed between Kurt's legs. 

"Only an idiot isn't a sure thing. I mean, really. Who doesn't want sex?" 

"Nuns?" 

"Oh, nuns want it bad. Like, you don't even know. Only someone who is totally obsessed with sex would deny themselves." 

Sebastian arched a critical brow. “You’re saying that _I’m_ not totally obsessed with sex?”

“No, I just said nuns are. You obsess yourself in the best way. Which you should do right now. With your mouth. On my cock.” 

With a smirk, Sebastian did just that before fuckin’ Kurt again, hard, through the mattress. 

Later, while eating tart and lounging in bed, Kurt wondered, “What would have happened if Blaine hadn’t given me those chocolates?” 

“No idea. Glad he did.” Turning over, Sebastian dripped a little of his melting chocolate on Kurt’s stomach, then licked it up. “What would you have done?” 

Kurt sighed. “That’s depressing to think about.” He hooked his arms around Sebastian’s neck and pulled him up to kiss. “This isn’t a fling, right?” 

“No, not a fling. I gave you that bracelet, right?” 

Kurt snorted. “Right.” 

“Who have I ever given gifts to?” 

“You’re right about that, but I’m high maintenance. I expect well-thought out gifts in the future. Things with personality and all that.” 

“I’ll buy you a hedgehog. They have tons of personality.” 

Kurt laughed. “Not what I meant.” 

“Don’t care. I have you now and I’m not letting you go. Whatever you want, it’s yours as long as you stick around.” 

“I plan to stick around,” Kurt told him with a sweet, long kiss.


End file.
